Tuesday, August 15, 2017


Eile, nagu üldiselt kogu viimase aasta jooksul, mõtlesin taaskord SÕPRUSEST.
Võimalik, et olen sellest ka vahepealsel ajal kirjutanud, minu mälu on täis ja välist kõvaketast pole jne. Olgu peale.
Arvan, et leidsin sõpruse jaoks suht OK definitsiooni: sõber on see, kes sind väga hästi tunneb ja kellele sa sellegipoolest (väga) meeldid, ja vice versa. Eriti harukordseks teeb asja see "vice versa" osa. Kindlasti kohtame elus päris palju inimesi, kes meeldivad väga meile, aga meie neile mitte nii eriti, ja jällegi - vice versa. Nii nagu sugudevahelises armastuseski - tunne peab olema vastastikune.
Lapsepõlves võib iga mängukaaslane "sõber" olla, kasvõi üheks päevaks. Laps ei saa sõpru otsida ega leida, tema valikud on piiratud paikadega, kus ta elab ja liigub. Oma lapselapsi ja nende "sõpru" jälgides olen märganud, et vastastikune keemia puudumine või suisa antipaatia eksisteerivad siiski ka selles väikeses ringis. Aga laps ei saa minna mitte kuskile omal käel, et seda õiget inimest otsida. Lapsepõlvesõbra leidmine on nagu lotovõit. Lapsepõlvesõber õpib sind tundma ilma maskita ja saab ka jälgida maski(de) kujunemist. Kui sõprus (meeldimine) sellele vastu peab, siis on see suur vedamine.
Edasi tuleb noorpõlvesõprus. Noore inimese liikumis- ja tegutsemisvabadus kasvab plahvatuslikult. Noor inimene ei tea ise ka, millist maski ta kannab või kas üldse, kõik on läbisegi. Ühe lapsepõlvesõbra kõrvale või ka asemele võib tekkida 30 uut sõpra. Või ka 50 või 100, vahet pole. Käib suhtlemise õppimise intensiivkursus. Mõned jäävad "sõelale", suur osa ilmselt mitte. Tolle müstilise täiskasvanuks saamisega on liikumis- ja tegutsemisvabadus taas piiratud ning sellega seoses ka sõprade leidmise/säilitamise võimalused. Sõbraks võib parema puudumisel saada keegi hobi- või töökaaslane. Või ka mitu, kui õnne on. Mask(id) on suhteliselt valmis ja kasutuskõlblikud ja seda (neid) ei võeta enam meelsasti eest ära. Sest nii võib ka need olemasolevad sõbrad äkki ära peletada, mine sa tea...
Küpse inimese (vana inimese) suhe sõprusesse on, või peaks olema, (või ka ei peaks olema), muutunud. Minu jaoks on muutunud. Nüüd nimetan ma sõbraks inimest, keda ma hästi tunnen ja kes mulle sellegipoolest meeldib, ja vice versa. Häda on vaid selles, et nüüdseks on maskid muutunud päris nägudega äravahetamiseni sarnaseks ja need tihtipeale ei tulegi enam ära. Nii et sa ei saa otsustada, kas sa ikka tunned seda inimest ja kas ta sulle sellegipoolest meeldib. Ja vice versa.
Nii ma siis olengi otsustanud öelda, et mul ei ole mitte ühtegi sõpra (kui minu kaks lapselast välja arvata   ) ja ma palun mitte võtta seda isiklikult, kui kellelgi peaks selline kihk tekkima. Kui Universum annab, siis on veel lootust, lootust on alati. Tõenäosust pigem ei ole 

Monday, May 15, 2017

On täiesti sümptomaatiline ja sümpaatiline, et kui muudkui taandada ja taandada, siis kõige lõppu jäävad ikka ainult kaks ülesannet: HIRM ja ARMASTUS. Või on see üks ülesanne?




Saturday, May 6, 2017



Ma ei ole ammu enam midagi tööst ega elust kirjutanud, võib-olla nüüd, kus olen nii bioloogiliselt kui ka ametlikult 55, peaks seda tegema. Sest vanusega saabub küpsus ja mitte asjata ei olnud see ennevanasti naisinimeste "pinsileminekuiga"...
Vanasti anti naistele võimalus väärikalt vananeda, olla vanaemad, teha elust kokkuvõtteid. Nüüd on normiks kuulutatud surnukstöötamine, samas ilma halastava eutanaasia-touch´ita, eks ole. Äraaetud hobused lastakse maha, inimesed jäetakse virelema.
See selleks.
Eile hommikul panin enne tööleminekut kiirustades ja konarlikult päevikusse kirja järgneva: "Mulle tuli äkki selline mõte, et äkki ei peakski end lakkamatult kritiseerima oma toimetulekuvõime pärast, vaid vaatama, millised on sinu motiivid. Minu motiivid on ausalt puhtad. Ma soovin rahu, armastust ja õiglust kõigi jaoks. Mitte ainult endale või lähedastele või sõpradele kellegi teise arvelt. Ja mis siis, kui ma ei oska ega suuda selle saavutamiseks midagi teha? Siis ei suuda! Ma ei ole oma võimeid/omadusi ise valinud (vähemalt ei mäleta, et oleks). Minu südametunnistus on puhas.
Nagu teate, olen viimased aasta ja 4 kuud "kinni istunud". Otsatult ja lõputult kannatanud. Hambad ristis. Samas sellega ikkagi hakkama saanud, pole põgenenud, kuigi mitu korda on plaanis olnud. Selle mõttes olen enda üle uhke olnud. Aga nüüd, päev enne ametlikku sünnipäeva kirjutasin lahkumisavalduse. Kannatuste karikas oli siiski täis saanud (arvasin, et see on põhjatu).
Naljakal kombel oli samal päeval keegi naisterahvas (kas ma pidin teda tundma? endine Loitsu klient?) küsinud, kuidas mul läheb. Ja mina olin täiesti spontaanselt vastanud, et vaadake, kus ja kellena ma töötan - kas on üldse mõtet küsida? Kas on võimalik veel madalamale langeda? Uhhsaaa! Selliseid asju EI ÖELDA! Mitte Universumi kuuldes! Olen seda oma küllaltki pika elu jooksul vägagi valusate õppetundide käigus pikalt õppinud, aga nagu näha, pole veel selgeks saanud. Selle ja mitu tundi hilisema lahkumisavalduse vahelise paralleeli oskasin tõmmata alles järgmisel päeval. No nii. Nüüd siis saab näha olema, kui "madalale" on võimalik laskuda ja kui madalale ei ole...
Olen mõelnud ka kodutu pudelikorjaja vähehinnatud karjäärile, kuid see tundub mulle ikka väga raske. Mingid juhatuse liikmed ja riigikogulased ja kes kõik asjapulgad veel, kes meie armsalt ühiskonnalt koore, piima ja pool vett ka ära riisuvad, neil ei ole aimugi, mis on raske töö. Aga jäägu ka see selleks, mul ei olnud tegelikult plaanis sotsiaalsest õiglusest rääkida, sest sellist looma polegi tegelikult olemas.
Aga P.S. tuli kõrvalepõikena idee, et pudelikorjajatele lisaks võiks hakata arendama prügikorjajate karjääri - kujutlege, kui kasulik ühiskonnale! Taarapunktide juurde asutataks prügipunktid ja iga kilo prügi maksaks toojale kopika. Muidugi peaks seal töötama ka sorteerijad, kes kõrvaldaks ausa prügi seast raskuseks pandud kivid, mulla, oksad jms. Neilegi peaks palka maksma. :D Hulk töökohti kohe olemas!
Hei. See lugu sai nüüd segane ja ma tean, miks. On see keskne teema, mille ümber ma ikka käin nagu kass ümber palava pudru, sest sellest ei tohi rääkida. See on tabu. Aga ühel hetkel ma räägin nagunii, kui parafraseerida Heinz Valku...
Praegu on selline pilt, et minust üle laua istub Universum ja on põnev vaadata, milline on Tema järgmine käik. Mitte et mul oleks suurmeistri vastu mingitki võidulootust, kuid on võimalik mängida viiki. Eks ole ju? Kuidas teile tundub?

Friday, March 31, 2017

Täna on mind see kooliteema eriti vaevanud. Kool ja niinimetatud üldharidus ja üldse haridus kui niisugune on minu teravad karid olnud eluaeg, aga kui keegi väga lähedane taas otseselt asjaga seotud (loe "sita sisse astunud", kohustuslikult), siis on eriti raske.
Minu meelest peaks lastele kõigepealt õpetatama, misasi on inimene. Keha ja vaimu. Et laps saaks aru, kes ta on, mida ta on tegema tulnud, millised on tema omadused, eripärad, võimed ja huvid. Siis mängud - kõik tavalisemad elusituatsioonid (poeskäik, kodu- ja pereelu, arstilkäik, matkamine, mis iganes), millega annab ilusasti seostada pea kõikvõimalikud "õppeained" nagu keeled, matemaatika, füüsika, keemia jne. Siis probleemide lahendamised ja loomingulisus. Nii peaks kestma vähemalt 14-nda eluaasta lõpuni. Siis suhted, teised inimesed, maailm.
Mina mäletan miskipärast eriti elavalt mingit majandusgeograafia õpiku lehekülge, kust ma üritasin pähe õppida, kui mitu tonni kivisütt või maagaasi või midaiganes mingi Uganda või Argentiina või keegi toodab kuskil. Võimalik, et see on mul sellepärast nii hästi meeles, et see tundus mulle kõige mõttetum jama üldse. Aga nii kestis see terve aasta, oligi ainult mingi majandusgeograafia. Mida see mulle ütles? Mida ma sellest mäletan? Klass võis olla umbes 4. - 7.
Füüsikast ja keemiast mäletan, et esimene tund tundus hullupööra huvitav ja paljutõotav. Aga siis pööras peaaegu kohe ära. Algas mingi totter arvutamine, millest ma nagunii midagi aru ei saanud...
Hilisemas elus? Minu põhiprobleem on selline - kes ma olen, milline ma olen ja mis mõte sellel kõigel on.
Aeg-ajalt loen mingeid "edulugusid" ja ei saa aru, kus see "edu" seal on. Olen siiski ka aru saanud, et on mõningaid inimesi, kes elavad mõtestatud elu. Et elu võib tõesti tore olla, isegi ilus. Aga ma ei tea, kuidas need inimesed on selliseks saanud.
Hirmsasti tahaks oma lastelastele rääkida, mis on elus oluline ja kuidas tuleks sellesse kõigesse suhtuda. Et mitte nii palju haiget saada. Aga ma ei tea seda. Peale selle ei suuda ma iial võistelda koolisüsteemi, meedia ja ühiskonnaga, mis kõik räägivad lapsele hoopis teisi asju. Lootusetuse tunne on. Et nad lähevad kohustuslikus korras nagu kuskile džunglisse sõtta ja mina ei saa midagi teha. Nad peavad minema.

Friday, January 6, 2017

"MIKS SINA EI VÕIKS OLLA NAGU RIINA?"




Riinal oli oma isa ja Kuri Võõrasema, kes pani väikese Riina tööle igal võimalusel. Kellelegi ei olnud saladuseks, et Kuri Võõrasema Riinat eriti ei armasta. Riina tuhvlialusest isa ei olnud Riinat vabatahtlikult oma uude ellu kaasa võtnud, laps anti talle kaasa enam-vähem vägisi. Samas oli Riinast palju kasu. Ta tegi väsimatult palju tööd ega nurisenud kunagi. Oli virk, kraps ja tubli. Temast kasvas imeline inimene.
Mina olin kõike seda, mida Riina ei olnud. Ma ei pidanud eriti midagi tegema peale totra klaveriharjutamise. Mulle osteti väga palju asju. Mulle ei öeldud, et ma pole "oma". Mulle öeldi, et ma olen laisk. Olen seda vist tõusvas joones kogu oma elu kuulnud. Lõppeks ütles ühel heal päeval ka täiskasvanud Riina mulle, et tema Kuri Võõrasema oli minu kohta öelnud, et see Kristin on üks ilus naine, aga nii kohutavalt laisk! Igaks juhuks lisas veel, et temal oleks väga häbi ,kui keegi tema kohta niiviisi ütleks...
Mul on selline huvitav aju, mis blokib igasugu asjad ära, ilma et ma ise seda sooviksin. Ma ei mäleta umbes 9/10 oma elust või ka rohkemat, kes võib seda teada, kui ei tea. Nii ma ei oskagi arvata, kuidas on juhtunud, et ma olen selline, nagu ma olen. Võib-olla oli juba seeme lihtsalt halb, eks ole, see on võimalik. Võib-olla sattusin valesse pinnasesse. Võib-olla hooldati valesti, sain liiga vähe või liiga palju vett või valgust, kes teab.
Jäledast igikestvast klaveriharjutamisest igatahes mingit tulu ei tõusnud. Küsimus "miks sina ei võiks olla nagu Riina?" oli vist pelgalt retooriline, aga lapsed tihtipeale ei tee vahet.




Saturday, December 31, 2016

RASKE TÖÖAASTA 2016 - bye-bye!



Minul igatahes on sellest aastast väga lihtne kokkuvõtet teha (see ei ole sugugi tavapärane) - oli raske tööaasta. Ma ei ole elu seeski nii rasket tööd teinud, pealegi veel sellise koormusega. Tööst vaba aeg on kulunud täiemahuliselt taastumisele, et jaksaks uuesti tööle minna. Alati pole õnnestunud ka, olen sel aastal tervelt 2 korda pidanud haiguslehe võtma (tavatu). Olen olukorda suhtunud fatalismiga - ju siis on karma, ju siis peangi kannatama. Suur osa mu elust on kulgenud suhteliselt suures vabaduses, eks selle eest pea maksma ka. Kas ma usun, et 2017 tuleb teistsugune? Mine tea. Füüsiline keha, aga võib-olla veelgi enam hing ja meel on nii räsitud, et kas seda täit aastat tulebki. Nii et selles mõttes võib küll tulla teistsugune. Et midagi muutuks heaks või toredaks kuidagi iseenesest? Hehee. Ega ma loll ei ole :P


54

Sunday, December 18, 2016

PÜHAPÄEVA HOMMIKUL

Mulle näib, et me kõik oleme saanud "eluaegse" siin Vanglaplaneedil, ainult et selle karistuse kandmise pikkus ei ole meile teada, samas vabanemine tuleb varem või hiljem kindlasti. Seniks tagugem lusikatega oma katelokke, ihugem lusikast nuga, löögem katelokid mõlki, pekskem pihku, pekskem päid vastu trelle... Pole isegi valvurit, kellele näkku sülitada, sülitagem siis näkku sellele, kes on kongikaaslastest kõige rohkem valvuri nägu. 
Aga vahepeal tuleb öö ja oma veriseks pekstud ning paiste nutetud nägude taga näeme me unes lilli ja liblikaid. Ja võib-olla mõnikord kedagi, kelle nimi on Tõeline Armastus..


Thursday, October 27, 2016

IGAVLEV LAPS ja SISEMINE KOHTUMÕISTJA

Dagni lingitud artikkel
Kubri videot jagada ei oska, aga siin on artikkel sellest

Minu kommentaarid D postituse all:
Kristin Tehvan "No one has control over the way we feel except ourselves, and far too often, we give ourselves daily beatings over decisions we’ve made or didn’t make." - Nii see ongi.
LikeReply110 mins
Kristin Tehvan Selle artikli lugemisest oli jällegi kasu, sest kuigi ma hiljuti "avastasin", et "oma vaesuse jälgimine ei lase meil näha meie rikkusi" , sain ma alles siit artiklist (või sel ajahetkel) selle iva kätte, et samal kombel saab (ja tuleks!) vaadelda ka oma isiklikke väärtusi ehk isikuomadusi - mitte keskenduda pidevalt sellele, mis mus on halb ja nõrk ja valesti, vaid millised on minu tugevad küljed! M. A. Kubri jagatud videoklipp, mida ma ka oma seinale jagasin, tegi eeltöö! (Praegu saan aru.) Mul oli just selline lapsepõlv, nagu seal soovitatakse ja ühest küljest (KUI AINULT MINA SAAN HINDAJA OLLA (- AGA MIKS EI SAA SIIS???) oli see ideaalne ja üliõnnelik! Ja alles hiljem, viimaste aastate (dekaadide?) valguses olen hakanud mõtlema, et ei, kõik pidi ikka halb ja valesti olema, sest kuidas muidu sai selline outcome võimalikuks - et ma teen nüüd tööd, mida ma teen, elan elu, mida ma elan, ja tunnen end 24/7 halvasti. Siin on huvitavaid arenguvõimalusi... 

Friday, September 30, 2016

7 AASTAT MUINASJUTTU


Ma olen nüüdseks 7 aastat üritanud elada kellegi teise elu, milles keskpunktis ei ole mitte mina, vaid mina olen olnud see tegelane, see satellit, mis pöörleb millegi muu ümber. See ei ole muidugi alates päevast nr. 1 sugugi nii selge ja ilmne olnud.

Alustasin nagu mingi näidendis, mis minu arvates oli Muinasjutt. Kõik pidi minema aina ilusamaks ja paremaks ja õnnelikumaks. Ma mängisin, et läkski. Aga dekoratsioonid ja tekstid ja teised tegelased ja muusika ja valgustus jne. - see arenes omasoodu. Minus kasvas pidevalt ärritus, et see kõik - (lavastaja nägemus?) - ei kattunud sugugi minu nägemusega. Aga ma mängisin ikka vapralt edasi, et olen Hea Nõid ja Kõik Läheb Ikkagi Hästi. Tegin klassikalist "head nägu halva mängu juurde". Naeratasin läbi pisarate, läbi solvumise, läbi raevu, läbi valu. Vaheaegadel nutsin lava taga peatäisi teemal, kuidas mind ei mõisteta. Miks kaasnäitlejad mind nii ebaõiglaselt kohtlevad? Miks lavastaja midagi ette ei võta ja neid korrale ei kutsu?! Kas ta tahabki, et ma piinleks? Ma olen ju HEA! Miks ta vägisi tahab mind HALVAKS teha?!

See siin ei ole mingi valmis lugu kahjuks, puändi ja kokkuvõttega. Ma lihtsalt istun järjekordselt vaatuste vahel ja pean aru, mis on valesti läinud. Kas ma ei olegi peategelane selles näidendis? Mida lavastaja ometigi öelda tahab selle kõigega? Kas see on lihtsalt NÄIDEND ja ma peaks vaheaegadel koju minema ja oma elu elama? Kas ma üldse olengi sobilik näitleja elukutseks? Kas see töö teeb mind õnnelikuks? Kas palk on vääriline? Kas sellel kõigel on mõtet?
Samas olen nii "sisse elanud", et mingist muust elust selle näidendi kõrval pole juttugi. On see hea? On see halb?
Või äkki polegi mingit näidendit? Ehk siis kõik on näidend ja vaheaegu pole? Või on näidend näidendis näidendist?

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

RAHAST TÄNA

Kommenteerisin nii:
"Naljakas, ma päris EHMATASIN seda pealkirja nähes!! :D :D :D
Sest just täna hommikul ma äkki sain pildi RAHAST, ilma et ma sellest oleks üldse mõelnud, täiesti lambist, nagu öeldakse.
Ma ei hakka praegu korrektsema sõnastamisega vaeva nägema, (kes tahab, see näeb), vaid kirjutan maha otse oma päevikust "toore" teksti:
"10:46
Mul tekkis äkki võrdpilt RAHAST kui elurõõmu, energia, blokeeringutevaba ellusuhtumise, Universumi usaldamise VÕRDKUJUST! Raha pole ju muud kui INIMENERGIA ja INIMAJA (elu+energia) EKVIVALENT ja sümbol, materialiseerunud vorm! Jah! Raha on HEA, SUUREPÄRANE, mitte halb ja räpane. "Halvaks" ja "räpaseks" võivad raha muuta ainult blokid, hirmud ja oma töö mitte-väärtustamine, mitte-nautimine! Haa!
Ja veel see, et see, et ma pole (veel!!!) keelanud endale "heade" asjade, maitsvate toitude nautimist, on just hoopistükkis see, mis mind veel "vee peal" hoiab" :O Vau!"
Viimase lausega pean silmas seda, et olen juba pikemat aega kitsikuses ja hädas, aga mõelda olen suutnud vaid sellest, kuidas ma peaksin asju oma elus veelgi PIIRAMA ja mille tegemise peaksin LÕPETAMA. See on aga just vastupidine energia! Ma nagu oleksin enda pidevalt üha rohkem kinni nöörinud ja leidnud, et tekkinud ebamugavuse vastu aitab veelgi kõvem kinninöörimine! Näib, nagu tahaksin endal ikka hinge ka kinni nöörida, sest siis pole enam üldse mingit muret maiste asjadega :P
Võib-olla on kellelgi sellest toorest, viimistlemata repliigist mingit kasu."

Marlen-Annabel Kubri "Armastuskirirahale"

Monday, August 15, 2016

HEI HOO


Mis man´d tahtsingi...

Täna tuli meelde (äkki, jälle), et mul on ju blog.
FB (Facebook) ei ole hea koht isiklike pärisasjade ehk subjektiivse pärisomaelureportaažide avaldamiseks. Nagu on teada, 99% "sõpradest" ei loe ega hooli, mingi väike protsent loeb ja mõistab või mõistab hukka (enamasti vaikides, õnneks), aga juhtuda võib ka, et kaotad pärissõbra. Samas - mis mõttes "kaotad"?
See on nagu kunagi Ken´iga - ma kirjutasin talle inglise keeles, et olen kaotanud palju juukseid ja tema vastu, et kuhu sa nad siis kaotasid, bussi või? :P

Ei ole nii, et kaotasin sõbra. Ma teadsin selle aja peale küll, et me enam mingid sõbrad pole muu kui nime poolest. Aga ikka võib ju (selles vanuses?) etendada illusiooniteatrit, et "oleme ikka sõbrad edasi". Kuni ühel hetkel "sõber" saadab kogemata teisele "sõbrale" mõeldud mürgise repliigi sinu südantlõhestava halinaloo kommentaariks kogemata sulle. Kuidas saaks pärast seda enam nägu teha? Millist nägu?

Nüüd enam probleemi pole ja kaotada pole ka enam midagi, aga ju ma sain ikka nii haiget, et nagu loom või lapsuke, kes on katkisest juhtmest elektrilöögi saanud - rohkem sinna ligi enam minna ei taha. Igaks juhuks. Lihtsalt, valu on valu ja ei meeldi kellelegi.

Siin on koht, kuhu võib kirjutada, ilmselt ei loe seda enam keegi ja kui keegi loebki, siis loodan, et ta ei kommenteeri.

Aga sissejuhatus on liiga pikaks veninud, eks ole. Ma ei tea, miks ma alailma tunnen suurt tarvidust kõike seletada, õigustada ja põhjendada stiilis "Kõigepealt sadas vihma...". See on minu blogi ja ma võin teha mis tahan. Ma võin ka oma FBs teha, mis tahan. Ja ma võin üleüldse teha, mis tahan. Või kas võin? No võin tegelikult. Ainult et...

Ega kõike ikka ei saa ka (vist). Näiteks lennata.  Seda ikka tõesti ju ei saa. Ma pean silmas ilma abivahenditeta.

Tegelikult ma tahtsin siia kirjutada oma tervislikust seisundist. Et sellega on nüüd kuidagi kööga. "Kööga" on hea sõna, mis ei tähendasuurt midagi. Nagu "kaputt" või midagi taolist varjund on tal. Ja seega seeei ole õige. Mul on lihtsalt tunne, et mingi "tase" on muutunud ja ... novot, ma tegelikult ei JULGEGI asjadest kirjutada ju. Lihtsalt sitt on olla.

Ja ma mõtlesin täna Maximast koju tulles, et 2002 - 2010 oleks mind veel saanud "ära päästa". Nagu"rescue dog" või midagi. Minust oleks ilmselt suurepärane. äärmiselt tänulik ja lojaalne kodukoer saanud. Või, noh, nii ma mõtlen praegu. Aga tegelikult juba 2010 oli minus ilmselt ärganud ka vastikuid hammustamisinstinkte. 2013 hüljati mind lõplikult, aga seda mitte esimest korda elus. Kui kaua võib üks koer hülgamisi kannatada jäädes ikkagi veel potsentsiaalselt lojaalseks kaunishingeks? Ei tea.

Mul on tunne, et sellest peale (2013 august) hakkasin ma tõeliselt alla käima. Kas ma nüüd olen all? Kes teab. Selle kohta võib tõese vastuse anda ainult tagasivaates.

Asjad pole head. Mul on tunne, et olen põrunud absoluutselt kõiges, mida elu on võtnud mulle ette sööta. Kui ma oleksin ise eksamikomisjonis ja sealjuures aus hindaja, siis ma ei ole kindel, et ma paneksin eksamineeritavale "rahuldava" ja lubaksin ta edasi...
Muide, võimalik, et sa peadki ennast ise hindama. Pärast, hiljem, millalgi. Või kuskil, sest aega tõenäoliselt pole ja ajamäärused kaotavad mõtte. Tõenäoliselt? Pole siin mingit tõenäolisust. Lihtsalt teadmatus ja algeline fantaasia.

Nii et see, millest ma tegelikult kirjutama hakkasin, libises kuhugi ära ja ma kaotasin selle. Olgu peale. Põhiline,
et suudaksin meeles pidada, et mul on siin see koht, kuhu kirjutada, kasvõi igapäevaselt. Päevikusse pastakaga, käsitsi, enam tõesti ei viitsi, nii kohmakas ja käekiri on muutunud mitte lihtsalt loetamatuks, vaid olematuks. Lihtsalt käsi teeb mingeid suvalisi jõnkse ja lookeid ja jätab pealegi enamuse tähti vahele. Vahetult peale kirjutamist KA ei saa ühestki sõnast aru :P

(Samas ostsin täna endale VEEL viis  60-lehelist kaustikut ja esimest korda elus tabasin end mõttelt, et kas ma ikka jõuan need kõik täis ka kirjutada?... S.t. mul on ka enne juba vähemalt kümmenkond kaustikut ja 60-leheline võib võtta oma pool aastat)

Oh well.
Üleval on farmi pilt. Happy Acres. Mäng, mida ma mängin Po Si Tiivse konto all juba... no ma ei mäleta, kui kaua. Eelmise aasta oktoobrist? See on natuke nagu Paradiis. Kui see ka ei ole, siis ma ei tea, mis on.



Saturday, March 7, 2015

HE HE HE

siin ma olen.
Elu on endiselt lill või midagi taolist, taimeriigivallast.
Mõtlesin, et mis mu blogi aadress oligi, aga välja ei mõelnud, pidin guugeldama "Kristin Tehvani blogi".... Täiega masendav.

Miks ma ei võiks normaalse inimese kombel blogi pidada? Kirjutada oma wild fantasies about social justice and all that.  Ega paistab jah, et suurt muu korda ei lähe ju.

Loen jälle mõnuga Kaksikliiki (Eiv Eloon) ((oh palun, palun, viige mind kokku mu armastusega!!!)
nagu ka NOORPÕLVES.
Meie igapäevast.................................. anna meile ka tänapäev.
Issand Jumal.




/kus see pilt siin käiski?/


PS Teate, kuidas ma siia pildi panin? Klikkisin silmad kinni suvalist foldrit ja siis suvalist pilti. Lahe idee, kas ei ole? Pilt 2014 suvest Stroomi rannas.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Elu on lill


Üritan siin meelde tuletada, kuidas blogi kirjutati. Võimalik, et õnnestub. Algul jäi mulje, et ma pole siin juba 5 aastat kirjutanud, aga ei ole tõsi. Samas, võiks sama hästi 5 aastat olla.
Ma ei oskagi enam kirjutada.
FB on mu pea tühjaks teinud ja elu ka.
Ja ma elan ühes puuris, kust ma lähen neljal päeval nädalas tööle (teise puuri) ja vahel lihtsalt õue, lapselastega, tunniks või nii. Elu on lill. Nagu rakvere raibe vmt.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Friday, March 9, 2012

ARVESTAGE, ET

suur osa eelnenud astroloogiavärgist on jura või on vähemalt ajad valed. Pigem on ajad valed, aga mulle meeldib ka mõelda, et see kõik on jura. Mulle meeldib hoopis see Päikese ja Pluuto trigoon, mis mul praegu käimas on, lihtsalt vahelduse mõttes.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

My name is Yon Yonsson...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XP5fmeax-3U

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJIGo1tL9yA&feature=related



I´m in love! With both of them!!! ♥ ♥ ♥

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

HULLEMAKS ALLES LÄHEB :(

Uranus sextile Mercury: Just a little pin prick

Beginning of May 2011 until mid January 2013:
This influence stimulates your thinking and your communication with others, giving your life an excitement and interest that it may normally lack. You also feel that you cannot stand boredom, so you aid the natural energy of this influence in every way possible. During this time you may seek out new contacts and friendships that reflect your desire for new experiences.

This same restlessness of spirit may also make you want to travel, at least to see more of the countryside around you, if not for long distances. You desire to know your immediate environment as completely as possible and let nothing escape you. If there is anything happening, you want to know about it.

Your natural curiosity is stimulated now, which makes this an extremely good time for beginning to study a new subject. However, you will not be particularly disciplined, so your interest must be very strong in order to keep your motivation up. If the subject becomes dull, you are likely to drop it. The study of science, mathematics, technological studies - especially electronics and computer work - as well as astrology or other occult techniques is favored by this influence.

One strong point of this influence is that it helps you make constructive changes in your thinking. You are not rigid at this time, and because you are so receptive to new ideas it is easier for you to change your mind. Even when you discover that you have been wrong about something, you are not very upset. You are only too happy to find it out and add this to your understanding.

This influence may put you into a rather prankish frame of mind, especially when you are with someone who seems pompous and overbearing. You will want to prick that person's balloon and bring him down to earth. Also, because you are so open to new ideas and experience, you feel that everyone else should be too. You may have difficulty in leaving people alone, but do try to. They have a right to their own narrowness, just as you have a right to your beliefs.




Uranus conjunction IC: New insights

End of May 2011 until end of January 2013:
At this time there will be many changes within yourself, which will be reflected in your immediate personal environment - your home - and in your most intimate personal relationships within the home, as with parents or partner. This influence can signify disruptive events in this area of your life and energies that require you to drop everything else to deal with.

On the most mundane level this influence can signify a sudden event in your home or real estate - damage to the buildings, a sudden need for repairs or the like. But this is only an outward sign of the need for change within. Something that has been hidden away for years and years struggles to break free. But if you suppress it, the energy transfers to your environment and causes disruptions. You may have to deal with aspects of yourself you never even knew existed in order to come to a new understanding of yourself. People may not be very aware of this happening, but you will be, and so will those closest to you. You may find it necessary to make tremendous changes in your home and in those relationships that most affect your home to reflect this new encounter with yourself.

Since this influence is also associated with profession and social status, you may expect changes in these areas, too. You may encounter opposition from others in your profession, people who do not want you to get ahead or achieve your purposes. Try to find out what the problem is and come to terms with these people. If you ride roughshod over them, they will try to hurt you as much as possible. This is also true in any aspect of your social life, if your actions seem to threaten someone else. There is a danger of a sudden fall in social position with this influence, usually because you have acted without considering others. They then feel that there is no recourse but to bring you down.

Take this time to discover new truths about yourself, deal with them as honestly as possible and make these insights part of a new way of being. Then you will not have to contend with the worst effects of this influence.

Friday, February 25, 2011

DECISIONS / WITH THE FLOW

Two posts I found in my mail this morning, both just like exact answers to my desperate questions last night. If only I could have faith...

Decisions

My decisions are grounded in Spirit.

I may feel pressure to make a fast and hurried decision. Or I may be asked to make a decision that I'm not ready to make. Even though there may be people waiting for me, I allow myself the time I need. Instead of leaping to a quick decision, I may even decide not to decide.

Instead of forcing myself to make a choice, I create a space of no decision. I give myself time to gain clarity, to see what I might not have seen before. In this space, I have time to fully align with Spirit, time to realize guidance and direction.

With patience and confidence, I commit to feeling grounded and secure in every decision I make.

Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord.--Psalm 31:24


With the flow

Don't force the experience of your life to be a certain way. Allow it to naturally unfold in accordance with your authentic intentions.


When you try too hard, all you get is trying, and the frustration that comes with it. Let life's goodness come to you, and you'll understand that there's never any need to grab it.

Pushing against the flow will mainly bring you pain. Instead, go along with the flow of life's energy, and you can experience whatever you truly desire.

Marvel at the beauty and possibility in each moment that comes, as it comes. Then peacefully let it go, and allow the new beauty of the next moment to fill your awareness.

You will experience all that you sincerely choose to experience by knowing and seeing that it is already available to you. Whatever you envision will come flowing through your thoughts, words, feelings and actions as you allow it to come.

Feel the immense power of your own existence. And allow your highest vision to peacefully come to life.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

MY BRAND NEW LIFE BEGINS


Ego losses ***
Valid during many months: At this time in your life your relationships with others are likely to become confused and difficult. You may encounter persons who try to dissuade you from a course of action that you have been committed to for years, with the result that you become confused about the direction of your life. The other person's intentions in this may be either good or bad.

This is not a good time to become involved in any kind of contractual or business negotiations. Even if the people whom you are dealing with are completely honest - and with this influence they may very well be dishonest - you will find it difficult to think clearly about your own goals and objectives in the negotiations. As a result you will not get what you want from the procedure.

On the metaphysical plane there is a lesson to be learned from this influence. The less involved your ego is in a situation, the more freedom you will have to do what you want. By bringing about a loss, this influence often shows us that our attachment to material objects or to certain personal relationships has prevented us from being free. So it is not usually the influence itself that causes losses or confusion, but your ego's relentless drive to maintain the game it is playing. And this may be happening at your expense, when viewed from a higher perspective. When your ego takes over in this way, you set your priorities incorrectly, and you are not likely to be successful.

The strategy with this influence is to flow through it without any particular set plan of action nor any special objective. Simply treat this time as a learning experience. If a relationship doesn't work out, ask yourself why you got into it in the first place. If you attract dishonest people or if your dishonesty has brought you trouble, ask yourself what purpose this served in your life. Often you will discover that you were trying to protect something that really wasn't worth protecting.


This is all very true. Now how can I take no action for a YEAR while I´m expected to take almost any job offer they can find for me? Good question JD ;))

Saturday, January 22, 2011

MY SON



My Son told me tonight that when I will be unemployed I´ll still get a warm meal once a day... I was so touched... God bless his soul :)

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

MINU LEMMIKNÕUANNE ;))

Kestab siis natuke rohkem kui aasta, jaanuari lõpuni 2011.

A DIFFICULT TASK - lõpeb veebruari alguses

A difficult task ***
Valid during many months: This very difficult influence could indicate a crisis triggered by a conflict between your own interests and those of people around you. You may be bottling up feelings of rage and resentment, feeling that a harmonious everyday life is only achievable by making lazy compromises. Sparks may fly in personal relationships, and the atmosphere at work may be generally poor.

It could be difficult, if not impossible, to find a compromise between your own needs and the demands of others. Under this influence you are aware that certain ways of behavior that are necessary for getting along with others are often incompatible with your own feelings. This recognition will give rise to strong and conflicting emotions, but you should nevertheless be careful not to sacrifice your own unique personality for the sake of a peaceful and quiet life, which you will be neither able nor willing to maintain in the long run.

Instead try allowing the angry and resentful child inside you to let off steam. You are more likely to benefit from this aspect if you can understand that your inner turbulence is not due to friends or colleagues, but is a healthy and vital expression of long-repressed emotion that has remained bottled up since your childhood. You are now required to pay more attention to some of the more fundamental aspects of your personality, and to drop the masks you have taken to wearing for the sake of a harmonious life.

Transit selected for today (by user):
Chiron Square Ascendant, ,
activity period from middle of March 2010 until beginning of February 2011

Sunday, December 26, 2010

kuni maailma lõpuni

Neptune square Ascendant: Ego losses

End of March 2010 until end of January 2012: At this time in your life your relationships with others are likely to become confused and difficult. You may encounter persons who try to dissuade you from a course of action that you have been committed to for years, with the result that you become confused about the direction of your life. The other person's intentions in this may be either good or bad.

This is not a good time to become involved in any kind of contractual or business negotiations. Even if the people whom you are dealing with are completely honest - and with this influence they may very well be dishonest - you will find it difficult to think clearly about your own goals and objectives in the negotiations. As a result you will not get what you want from the procedure.

On the metaphysical plane there is a lesson to be learned from this influence. The less involved your ego is in a situation, the more freedom you will have to do what you want. By bringing about a loss, this influence often shows us that our attachment to material objects or to certain personal relationships has prevented us from being free. So it is not usually the influence itself that causes losses or confusion, but your ego's relentless drive to maintain the game it is playing. And this may be happening at your expense, when viewed from a higher perspective. When your ego takes over in this way, you set your priorities incorrectly, and you are not likely to be successful.

The strategy with this influence is to flow through it without any particular set plan of action nor any special objective. Simply treat this time as a learning experience. If a relationship doesn't work out, ask yourself why you got into it in the first place. If you attract dishonest people or if your dishonesty has brought you trouble, ask yourself what purpose this served in your life. Often you will discover that you were trying to protect something that really wasn't worth protecting.




Uranus trine Ascendant: Transient relationships

Beginning of April 2010 until beginning of March 2011: This is a time of increased freedom in and through your personal relationships. You are able to express yourself to others in ways that have never before been possible for you. This may take the form of a new interest or hobby or a new field of study. You may be attracted to technical and scientific subjects, as well as to occult studies such as astrology.

You respond much more quickly to people around you now and generally give the impression of being more alive and willing to challenge life, and you are. You may also seem somewhat impulsive and perhaps a bit nervous, but most people will not find you upsetting.

Sudden new contacts with others may provide opportunities to branch out and do things that you have never done before. You may have a chance to travel, for example, or to take up some completely new activity. Your old way of life no longer interests you, and if someone tries to convince you to keep to your old ways, you just get bored.

New relationships may begin now that challenge you creatively, but they may not last longer than this influence, so it is well not to make any permanent commitment until later. Even though the relationships may be transient, they will have a liberating effect upon you and increase your capacity to experience life. Often the other person will act as a "guru," that is, he or she will open up spiritual dimensions that you have never experienced before. However, do not expect this person to come in standard guru clothing. It could be anyone, and very often he or she will not look at all like the conventional notion of a spiritual teacher. Enlightenment takes as many forms as there are teachers and students.




Saturn trine Saturn: Inner stability

End of October 2010 until end of July 2011: At this time you can incorporate into yourself the fruits of previous successes, look them over and appreciate them for what they were. The key idea is that you are in a position to understand your life and therefore better able to be in conscious control of it. This is not merely an intellectual understanding, it is born of experience. You have lived through certain things, and now you can proceed on the basis of that understanding.

Your business or professional life will run smoothly at this time. Employers and superiors appreciate your calm, controlled way of handling your work, and they can see the results of your past experience. Relationships, which reflect what you are, are also more stable at this time because of your own inner stability.

Your outlook on life has also reached a point of equilibrium. You have a good understanding of how you look at life, and it works well enough that you may not question it very much. The problem is that this is not a time of testing, so you don't know how well your ideas will stand up to future crisis. You only know how well they withstood past tests. But the future is always different, and what happens in the future depends upon what is true at that time. Therefore you must keep your mind open and flexible. You only know what you know, and that is not everything. Continue to examine yourself and see what could be improved. Even if your life is satisfactory now, it may not always be.




Saturn opposition Mars: The middle way

Beginning of November 2010 until mid August 2011: This can be an extremely challenging period, because you feel that everything you try to do is blocked by circumstances or opposed by others. You may feel angry, but you have no obvious outlet for your anger, so you are left boiling over inside and seething with frustration. And there is no doubt that your actions are very closely circumscribed at this time. People who are important in directing your life - parents, employers, officials - may be a serious source of trouble at this time.

You may feel tempted to lash out against the forces that seem to be conspiring against you, but this is probably not a good idea. They will probably prove too strong for you. Instead of rebelling and fighting, it would be better to wait and in the meantime find some outlet for your pent-up energy. Hard work, physical activity, and concentrated effort will help dispel the energy build-up that may accompany this influence. However, take reasonable precautions in whatever you do along these lines.

It is not a good idea simply to hold in your feelings, even though it seems futile to let them out. The stored-up energy within you provokes responses from others and from your environment in very subtle ways, which can lead to even greater problems. You can conceivably become the victim of your own violent feelings, and this can happen in very subtle, unconscious ways. So you have to find the middle road between lashing out violently and holding all your anger in.




Pluto trine Pluto: Up to you

Beginning of February 2011 until beginning of December 2012: This is a period of stability, in which very deep and perseverant energies lend themselves to you. Whether you make use of them or not is completely up to you. However, if you do decide to use them, there will be potential for inner growth. From this position you can gain deep insights into the functioning of your psyche which might have shocked you at other times.

You get more interested into the deep questions about change and metamorphosis, death, birth and regeneration. You will decline any explanation that doesn't truly touch the heart of the matter. However, you could show this very attitude also towards less profound issues.




Jupiter conjunction IC: Your inward needs

10 February 2011 until 19 February 2011: This is a time for expansion and growth in your innermost personal life, a time when you will seek security at home and with your immediate family. It may be necessary to reexamine your past life to find out what it can teach you about yourself. But this should not be a source of anxiety. In fact, you should feel quite good about what you learn at this time. Your parents may be able to assist you considerably in this process.

The symbolism of this influence is that you incorporate more and more of the outer world into your innermost life. On the material level, you may buy a larger, more elegant or more spacious home. Certainly it would be a good expression of this symbolism to improve your existing home and make it more comfortable.

At this time you should do everything to ensure that your personal life is as comfortable and secure as possible. You need to have a feeling of inner peace and security in order to continue to move out in the world. In fact you should not think so much about outward success now as about the more personal and inward needs that we have discussed here. And you should realize that your real need now is not land or a larger home, but a feeling of strength and inner growth.

This is the time to tie up any loose ends in your personal life, straighten out any relationships that are not working well, any leftovers from your past life that are still affecting the present adversely. To do this you may have to speak to others very openly about yourself and your innermost thoughts.

So this is a good time to settle and put down roots. The feeling of belonging to a place and a group of people is very important to you now. You don't have to do this in a way that limits your freedom of movement, and during this time it is very unlikely that you will do so. But everyone needs a solid home base so that they can feel at peace in their other activities. If you don't make an effort to construct such a base now, you will have difficulty later when your principal concerns are turning elsewhere.







Short Report - Forecast December 2010 to May 2011for Kristin Tehvan (female)
born on 5 May 1962 local time 10:45 pm
in Tallinn, EE U.T. 19:45
24e45, 59n25 sid. time 12:16:47

Planetary positionsplanet sign degree motion
Sun Taurus 14°49'19 in house 5 direct
Moon Gemini 6°46'18 in house 7 direct
Mercury Gemini 4°07'39 in house 7 direct
Venus Gemini 9°03'37 in house 7 direct
Mars Aries 12°26'01 in house 4 direct
Jupiter Pisces 7°48'20 in house 3 direct
Saturn Aquarius 11°11'12 in house 2 direct
Uranus Leo 26°23'41 in house 9 stationary (D)
Neptune Scorpio 12°03'02 in house 11 retrograde
Pluto Virgo 7°34'02 in house 9 retrograde
True Node Leo 13°09'49 in house 8 retrograde

House positions (Placidus)Ascendant Scorpio 28°42'56
2nd House Capricorn 2°33'02
3rd House Aquarius 23°50'18
Imum Coeli Aries 4°34'19
5th House Aries 29°39'05
6th House Taurus 16°18'09
Descendant Taurus 28°42'56
8th House Cancer 2°33'02
9th House Leo 23°50'18
Medium Coeli Libra 4°34'19
11th House Libra 29°39'05
12th House Scorpio 16°18'09

TransitsNeptune square Ascendant End of March 2010 until end of January 2012
Uranus trine Ascendant Beginning of April 2010 until beginning of March 2011
Saturn trine Saturn End of October 2010 until end of July 2011
Saturn opposition Mars Beginning of November 2010 until mid August 2011
Pluto trine Pluto Beginning of February 2011 until beginning of December 2012
Jupiter conjunction IC

Saturday, December 25, 2010

INIMESED



... tulevad ja kaovad... Ka need, kes on alati olnud ja nagu ei saaks kunagi kaduda.




"Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."
Macbeth

24. 10. 2010, pühapäev

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

23. psalm

The LORD Is My Shepherd
A Psalm of David.

1 The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
he leadeth me beside the still waters. Rev. 7.17
3 He restoreth my soul:
he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: for thou art with me;
thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:
thou anointest my head with oil;
my cup runneth over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

ÕNNEKS LÕPEB JAANUARIS

Out of your mind ***
Valid during many months: This influence represents an enormous revolution in your consciousness, as you are exposed to aspects of life that you never dreamed possible. These might include any of the following: the occult or metaphysics; astrology; magic; altered states of consciousness, perhaps through drugs or meditation; or groups whose ideas are extremely idealistic and radical.

What is actually happening is that tremendous new understandings are asserting themselves in your life with such force that they seem to upset all your past ways of thinking. However, this is only a problem of perspective. At this time you are in the middle of these changes and cannot see the relationship between your new consciousness and your old. But they are related, which you will come to understand as the immediate impact of this influence begins to pass.

This is a period of tremendous psychological insights and change, but not much stability. Therefore keep your situation fluid enough that you can make changes as necessary. Do not try to build permanent structures at this time, because you will have to change them again and again. It should be noted, however, that the primary effects of this influence occur at the psychological level.

Possibly you will respond to this influence with confusion, doubt and uncertainty. Let it be, and wait for the situation to settle down. Try to minimize the elements of your life that require you to make long-range commitments, because your changing consciousness will make it difficult to continue such a commitment. If old goals lose their meaning, that is what must be. Be patient, and new goals will enter your life that will better fit your new state of mind.

Others may think you have gone out of your mind because of what you do and see at this time, but do not be concerned. This revolution in ideas and consciousness is a fundamental part of your life, and it must be allowed to pursue its own course.

Transit selected for today (by user):
Neptune Opposition Uranus, ,
activity period from end of March 2009 until end of January 2011

JÄRGMISE AASTA AUGUSTINI

The middle way ***
Valid during many months: This can be an extremely challenging period, because you feel that everything you try to do is blocked by circumstances or opposed by others. You may feel angry, but you have no obvious outlet for your anger, so you are left boiling over inside and seething with frustration. And there is no doubt that your actions are very closely circumscribed at this time. People who are important in directing your life - parents, employers, officials - may be a serious source of trouble at this time.

You may feel tempted to lash out against the forces that seem to be conspiring against you, but this is probably not a good idea. They will probably prove too strong for you. Instead of rebelling and fighting, it would be better to wait and in the meantime find some outlet for your pent- up energy. Hard work, physical activity, and concentrated effort will help dispel the energy build-up that may accompany this influence. However, take reasonable precautions in whatever you do along these lines.

It is not a good idea simply to hold in your feelings, even though it seems futile to let them out. The stored-up energy within you provokes responses from others and from your environment in very subtle ways, which can lead to even greater problems. You can conceivably become the victim of your own violent feelings, and this can happen in very subtle, unconscious ways. So you have to find the middle road between lashing out violently and holding all your anger in.

Transit selected for today (by user):
Saturn Opposition Mars, ,
activity period from end of October 2010 until middle of August 2011

KUNI DETS. LÕPUNI

Soap bubbles ***
Valid during many months: You will now have to reckon with a critical time, during which some of your future visions turn out to be no more than soap bubbles. A series of disturbing events might show you that you are not as free as you might have believed. Nobody can avoid getting swept up in the daily life of the collective. We are all subject to the continuous bombardment of distressing news, and a powerful advertizing industry strongly influences our buying habits. Your increasing sensitivity makes you more aware of the influence these things have on your private life, and you may feel increasingly under threat from such powerful external forces. This realization makes some people very uneasy. Many influences of their lives -whether private or public - can suddenly seem unreal or hypocritical. They start to question whose truth they are actually living, leading them to seek better ways of expressing their own authentic individuality. Many feel the need to get rid of all obligations and restrictions in one fell swoop.

Level-headedness and consideration for others are probably not your strongest points at the moment, which could lead others to accuse you of behaving like a stroppy adolescent. You benefit most from this influence if you can resist the temptation to be overcritical of the circumstances in your life, which will help you to be more tolerant of your own behavior. Do not allow yourself to become embroiled in an ill-tempered feud with those who might unconsciously resent the fact that you are not functioning "normally". This is also a good time to work together with your partner to make constructive changes in your relationship which will benefit both of you.

Transit selected for today (by user):
Chiron Opposition Uranus, ,
activity period from end of April 2009 until end of December 2010

Saturday, September 4, 2010

25 things that are extremely important in my life

1) Ground

2) Air

3) Water

4) Sky

5) Sun

6) Fire

7) Rain

8) Grass

9) Trees

10) Birds and animals

11) Water bodies

12) Warmth

13) Roof over me

14) Walls

15) Bed

16) Privacy

17) Something to eat

18) Something to wear

19) Cigarettes

20) Coffee

21) Alcohol

22) My kids living longer than I

23) My grandkids living longer than I

24) Kids and grandkids being happy

25) Love

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

TARKUSETERA




Roughly during the first half of our lives we are trying to become something, during the other half we are trying to get rid of it. Because this "something" is way too narrow.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

No näed - here we go again! Kõik enam-vähem ühel ajal ka ;))

Saturn opposition Mars: The middle way
Beginning of November 2010 until mid August 2011: This can be an extremely challenging period, because you feel that everything you try to do is blocked by circumstances or opposed by others. You may feel angry, but you have no obvious outlet for your anger, so you are left boiling over inside and seething with frustration. And there is no doubt that your actions are very closely circumscribed at this time. People who are important in directing your life - parents, employers, officials - may be a serious source of trouble at this time.
You may feel tempted to lash out against the forces that seem to be conspiring against you, but this is probably not a good idea. They will probably prove too strong for you. Instead of rebelling and fighting, it would be better to wait and in the meantime find some outlet for your pent-up energy. Hard work, physical activity, and concentrated effort will help dispel the energy build-up that may accompany this influence. However, take reasonable precautions in whatever you do along these lines.
It is not a good idea simply to hold in your feelings, even though it seems futile to let them out. The stored-up energy within you provokes responses from others and from your environment in very subtle ways, which can lead to even greater problems. You can conceivably become the victim of your own violent feelings, and this can happen in very subtle, unconscious ways. So you have to find the middle road between lashing out violently and holding all your anger in.

Ohhh, ei jõua ära oodata!!!

Saturn trine Saturn: Inner stability
End of October 2010 until end of July 2011: At this time you can incorporate into yourself the fruits of previous successes, look them over and appreciate them for what they were. The key idea is that you are in a position to understand your life and therefore better able to be in conscious control of it. This is not merely an intellectual understanding, it is born of experience. You have lived through certain things, and now you can proceed on the basis of that understanding.
Your business or professional life will run smoothly at this time. Employers and superiors appreciate your calm, controlled way of handling your work, and they can see the results of your past experience. Relationships, which reflect what you are, are also more stable at this time because of your own inner stability.
Your outlook on life has also reached a point of equilibrium. You have a good understanding of how you look at life, and it works well enough that you may not question it very much. The problem is that this is not a time of testing, so you don't know how well your ideas will stand up to future crisis. You only know how well they withstood past tests. But the future is always different, and what happens in the future depends upon what is true at that time. Therefore you must keep your mind open and flexible. You only know what you know, and that is not everything. Continue to examine yourself and see what could be improved. Even if your life is satisfactory now, it may not always be.

NONIINONIINONIIIIIIII - mida veel`??

A difficult task
***
Valid during many months: This very difficult influence could indicate a crisis triggered by a conflict between your own interests and those of people around you. You may be bottling up feelings of rage and resentment, feeling that a harmonious everyday life is only achievable by making lazy compromises. Sparks may fly in personal relationships, and the atmosphere at work may be generally poor.
It could be difficult, if not impossible, to find a compromise between your own needs and the demands of others. Under this influence you are aware that certain ways of behavior that are necessary for getting along with others are often incompatible with your own feelings. This recognition will give rise to strong and conflicting emotions, but you should nevertheless be careful not to sacrifice your own unique personality for the sake of a peaceful and quiet life, which you will be neither able nor willing to maintain in the long run.
Instead try allowing the angry and resentful child inside you to let off steam. You are more likely to benefit from this aspect if you can understand that your inner turbulence is not due to friends or colleagues, but is a healthy and vital expression of long-repressed emotion that has remained bottled up since your childhood. You are now required to pay more attention to some of the more fundamental aspects of your personality, and to drop the masks you have taken to wearing for the sake of a harmonious life.

Transit selected for today (by user):Chiron Square Ascendant, , activity period from beginning of March 2010 until beginning of February 2011

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

THE FLOW OF LIFE

"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like." - Lao Tzu

"We are all visitors to this time, this place. We are just passing through. Our purpose here is to observe, to learn, to grow, to love... And then we return home." - Australian Aboriginal Proverb