On Sears hairdryer:Do not use while sleeping.(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos:You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:Directions: Use like regular soap.(And that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:Serving suggestion: Defrost.(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)Do not turn upside down.(Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:Product will be hot after heating.(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:Do not iron clothes on body.(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:Do not drive car or operate machinery.(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:Warning: may cause drowsiness.(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:Warning: keep out of children.(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)
On a string of Christmas lights:For indoor or outdoor use only.(As opposed to use in outer space.)
a food processor:Not to be used for the other use.(Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:Warning: contains nuts.(but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.(Somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)
On a Swedish chainsaw:Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)
On a child's Superman costume:Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)
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