WHY

This morning I woke up feeling very sad and instead of forcing myself onto more cheerful thoughts I allowed myself to cry a little bit. I think it's good at times, it cleanses both your soul and eyes. Tears don't come easy to me lately.

Anyway, when I got to work I thought I would use the Healing Cards to understand why was a really so sad. Of course I understand I'm about to violate the rules of copyrights, but I'm a firm believer of freedom for spreading knowledge, I would never use a copyright to my works and I''ve seen a couple of books which authors felt the same way. I understand that people want to get money for their effort, but just stop and think for a moment - how many people would really bother to type over all that. I don't feel that I'm commiting a crime by bringing to you a few pages of Chuck Spezzano's PhD book and two cards designed by Anna Szolc. In case you want to get the whole set look up AGM AGMüller, Switzerland (publisher).

So I asked why I had cried this morning and I got a "good" card. And yes, I guess I cried because I've longed for a commitment for so many years wihout getting into any.

51. Commitment

Commitment is giving ourselves fully to a person or situation. The power of Commitment is so strong that happy surprises occur and we leap forward to the next stage. This brings a new level of success and partnership. Commitment does not involve working hard so much as investing ourselves fully in whatever we do. This means giving our mind and heart to whatever we are committing to. Commitment is an antidote to valuelessness, which is the very thing that seems to prevent commitment. Our egos would have us believe that no one is worth continuous giving. Commitment heals this mistake. Our egos tell us that commitment is sacrifice and emotional slavery, but it is the opposite. Commitment is the antidote to these things, because where there is commitment, there is freedom and ease. If problem solving would get us over one mountain, commitment gets us over the whole mountain range. When we are commited, everything moves with us. If we commit to a relationship that is untrue, commitment will cause our partner to say goodbye, but with no bad feelings. This leaves us with confident expectations about our next partner.

Receiving This Card
If you receive this card, you are being asked to give yourself fully to the person or situation at hand. It is giving that leads to success. The extent to which you commit to someone is the extent to which they will commit to you. This applies to any situation. Commitment will bring you the next step with ease. Do not be fooled by counterfeit giving, such as sacrifice. You will know whether you are caught in countefeit giving by the results. Hard work and difficulty speak of sacrifice and withholding yourself. Commitment means giving yourself and withholding nothing. Commitment is for your benefit; you know yourself through your giving. Giving blesses you and gives you joy. It helps you, those around you, and the world in general. Commitment is the way to give yourself totally. In relationships, work, or life, it brings about a new stage.
This stage has more success and happiness, but soon enough the ego brings a new set of challenges. This calls for recommitment, which will move you forward to a new stage once more. Commitment allows you to receive in a big way, because each time you commit, you balance your masculine and feminine sides. Life is given to us as a gift. As you fully give yourself back to life, it reveals its beauty and mysteries, bringing meaning and joy.

Then I asked what do I have to do to find one and got this:

22. The Heartbreak Conspiracy

The Heartbreak Conspiracy comes from a heartbreak that is so bad that at first it is hard to catch your breath. We are schoked and devastated, and our heart breaks. We withdraw from life as a result of the loss. Our dreams have been shattered. We do not want to go on; we feel incapable. We are stunned by the turn of events and so we refuse to go on with life in the area we were heartbroken.
As a result, we experience every event of our lives in light of this heartbreak. It is as if a huge boulder has been placed in the stream of our lives, displacing everything. We do not recognize the hidden choices and purpose we had in creating this event. All awareness of those thought and that part of our mind are banished in the dark pain of the heartbreak. Maybe one of the payoffs for this heartbreak was to become independent; this is one of the core dynamics of childhood heartbreaks. Other hidden dynamics about our heartbreaks is that we may have felt bored or needy. We may have felt that we were going in different directions and wanted different things to the other person. We may even have had toughts of breaking up with our partner, but they did it first. Relationships last as long as you value them. This is not a reason to feel guilt (as the ego would suggest). It is a place to recognize what it was you wanted to gain, prove, or excuse yourself from. How were you using this as part of a fight, and as revenge against yourself, parents, significant other and God?

Receiving This Card
If you receive this card, you are refusing to go on in your life. You are secretly afraid, and this may affect you in several different ways. It might keep you weak, dependent, and needy; or you may stay independent and in control in order to compensate for the fear and heartbreak. You may go into sacrifice, playing a role to try to make yourself indispensable so that you cannot be rejected but unwittingly generating deadness trhough the role and lack of equality. Alternatively, you may even vacillate between all these behaviors. However, no matter how you are acting, you are using your heartbreak to stop yourself from going forward.

It is time to accept the past, the people who broke your heart, and the events of your life. If you do not, you will live a life of heartbreaks or revenge. This may take the form of withdrawal or control, but you will not be happy or succeed at relationships or life.

Using the witness part of your soul, go back to the root of the heartbreak and simply witness the event from this dispassionate, highly aware part of your mind. This will help you to move on. The witness within you allows you to see what you have hidden from yourself. It allows no excuses and effortlessly reveals your hidden fears.

Well, I guess, right again. I've done all that and it's so very hard for me to see things NOT in the light of a heartbreak because I have had more than one. It's a pattern and I can't get myself into believing in myself when it comes to relationships. All the "witness within you allows you to see" blah blah blah... what dose it even mean? It's just words dammet.

Oh I know I have to keep striving, I will. It's just so damn hard sometimes.

CLOSING TIME

Yahoo 360 will be closed soon. Ahh, bitter-sweet memories ;)) All of us, the fans, are heartbroken...

This is the last look of my page. The blog was already deleted.

COMFORT

I envision you whole and well, blessed with an abundant life.

Being separated from family and friends can be distressing--especially when they are going through a trying time. Although I cannot be with them in person, I offer them my love and support.

"Know that I am holding your hand today --in thought and prayer. Even though we may be apart, we share a vital heart connection. Inspired by endearing memories, I think of you always with tenderness.

"I envision you whole and well, sustained by healing thoughts, releasing all concern into God's care. I pray that your heart is filled with peace; your soul, with comfort; and your life, with abundance of every kind."

"Then you will walk on your way securely and your foot will not stumble. If you sit down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet."--Proverbs 3:23-24

/scott aka sheik yerbouti/

ENDLESS SOURCE

Life is an endless source of richness. Everything that comes your way can, in some way or another, add to that richness.
From the smallest petal on a flower, to the wide and distant horizon, you'll find energy and possibility, and astounding lessons to be learned. From the most intimate whisper to the roar of a crowd, there are ideas, dreams, hopes and love in every flavor.
There are components that, when put together in new and unique ways, create value that's never been known before. There are objects that, when carefully taken apart and studied, yield magnificent, life-changing secrets.
The possibilities have no end. And they grow more stunning with each advancing moment.
The real richness is not found in any one thing. Rather, it is in the sheer abundance and availability of it all.
Choose now, and always, to live your own special expression of life's richness. There will always be more of it to know.

/scott aka sheik yerbouti/

SAY THESE WORDS OUT LOUD

I am in touch with the source of all life and I am open to receive all energy from this source. My purpose is to know and be love.
~
My intent is to know the fullness of life, the joy of life, and the love that I am.
~
I deeply desire to know, to be, to understand, to experience, and to express the love that I am and the absolute good that I bring forth.
~
I ask that the light of source surround me, and embrace me.
~
I ask that love energy flow through me now. From this day forward, I am better able to be the love that I am and to know that I have no limitations.
~
For I am this energy - I am love. And because I am love, I live each moment of this day in heartfelt gratitude and deep, abiding appreciation for All That Is.
~
And so it is.

/scott aka sheik yerbouti/

I WANT YOU TO KNOW...

...that there are few tools more effective or more useful in achieving deep knowing, true joy, and inner peace than daily meditation.
It would be very beneficial to take 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the evening -- more if you can find it -- to be quiet with your Holy Self. Your consciousness can be dramatically expanded over a relatively short period of time with true dedication to such a gentle discipline.
Are you meditating regularly? Is it the first thing you cut out of your day if things start off, or begin to get, hectic? It should, of course, be the last thing.

/scott aka sheik yerbouti/

SOLID RECOVERY

Each setback provides an opportunity to recover. And each time you recover, you grow stronger.
The route to your goal is not a straight line. There will be many times along the way when you find yourself off course.

When that happens, it can seem like your destination is unreachable. Doubt, fear and apathy will take hold if you let them.

The key is not to let them. For as hopeless as the situation may feel, there are actions you can take that will enable you to quickly get back on track.

Much of the substance of achievement is in becoming skilled at making a quick and solid recovery. Each setback gives you the chance to practice and strengthen and refine that valuable skill.

Know that whatever has slowed you down can provide you with a way to move more effectively forward. Quickly get back up, and feel the new strength you've gained.

/scott aka sheik yerbouti/

LETTER TO AN IMAGINARY FRIEND

My dear imaginary friend, hi

You can’t believe how glad I am to have you as my friend. I can tell you everything even from the bottom of my heart and you will never say any bad word about anything I might say. You’re just that tolerant, that kind to me.

Today was that big Pagan holiday here, Jaanipäev, the Jaan’s Day. Remember all those huge bonfires and the whitest nights of the year? People won’t get to bed until they really have to, until they can’t keep their eyes open. Riina invited me to her place (as always), my kids were going each to their own place. For some reason I really wanted to visit my mom this time and Riina said I should go there before evening and then go to her place later on and stay overnight as always. I thought it was a good plan. But for some reason I didn’t feel so good in the morning and by 1 pm I was so tired that I went to bed and thought the day would take care of itself. I woke up at 5pm or so and felt real bad. I won’t go into details enough to say that don’t feel that bad often. Luckily I was out of cigarettes, so I had to go to the store anyway. I even thought about quitting smoking LOL, that’s to illustrate how much I didn’t want to go anywhere. I wanted to die just that I shouldn’t feel the pain any longer but dying unfortunately isn’t that easy. LOL. I’m kidding. I’m glad it isn’t easy.

I watched some Scrubs on DVD and felt a little better quite soon. I texted Riina telling her I couldn’t come and I apologized. Then I called my mom. Then went to the store, bought stuff and went to mom’s place. She was so happy! She said she had thought about me all day long and I didn’t say I had done the same thing. I’m not comfortable with emotions. I’m OK with having them but I don’t want to talk about them. Unless I’m angry, then I can’t hold back.

I spent about 5 hours with her. At one point we even hold hands, for a breif 3 seconds. I thought I had turned old and cheesy, but it was nice anyway. Then we listened to my new MP3 player LOL. One earphone in my ear and the other in hers ;)) We kinda connected through the music. Of course, she being a retired music teacher and me being the „rebel“ child we were never before able to listen to the same thing feeling comfortable enough to admit we liked what we heard. Now it happened. For the first time I realized that my mom is just like me, only 81 years old. For the first time I wasn’t embarrassed by this. For the very first time whenI hugged her as I was leaving I really meant it.

The last bus had gone though, I had to walk home and it was a kind of long walk. I listened to my player and it cheered me up quite a bit and I wasn’t afraid to take a shortcut at the hippodrome and through the deep forest. I recalled reading from somewhere that only women who aren’t sure about their femininity get raped, so I thought I shouldn’t get that. I wasn’t even afraid of getting robbed or killed. Actually I was feeling so good that I considered being killed as a great opportunity. You know, sometimes you are just ready. With no fear, with no regret. I was happy though. It’s hard to describe. I just thought it would be easy to die while feeling like that...

Oh, by the way, when I passed by the hippodrome I saw a lonely bonfire in one pen and there was just one man standing by it, keeping eye on the fire. Also some biker had stopped at the fence and stared the fire as well. It looked awfully romantic! I had to stop and take some time to look at the fire, too. It was the only fire I saw this night but it was enough for me. It was beautiful how we stood there forming a triangle, all quiet, the 3 feet high bonfire in the center. Estonians don’t talk to strangers unless they really have to.

The whole journey took me less than an hour, I got home safe and sound and I was at peace with the World and myself. I had taken a step towards the right thing.

PS I'll add the song that touched my heart the most while I was walking through the forest. I have told you about my future soulmate that I'm about to find one day. This is for him.

JOSHUA RADIN - WINTER

In my head I can't separate it from the Scrubs anymore :) ahhh!.... I remember...

SENSE OF TOUCH

And one more...

NEGLIGENCE by MARK ISHAM

Another one from Crash

IN THE DEEP (BIRD YORK)

Another favorite one (from Crash)

VONDA SHEPARD - CRYING

And btw, I would just go and say that I love this one even better than KD's ;))

VONDA SHEPARD - THE END OF THE WORLD

The good thing is -it might feel like the end of the world but it doesn't have to be. All the love you need and want is always with you - in your heart.

VONDA SHEPARD - YOU BELONG TO ME

GOD BLESS K D !!!

I used to love this Leonard Cohen's song sung�by himself until I heard K.D. singing it.... I'm speachless. I also want to add that I'm impressed by her looks and the way she performs. What a woman! Can a man have that much inner power and intensity? Never... :)

I have to admit I weep and I smile (so widely!) while listening to it! All the best female qualities are here, in this perfomance...

BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST THAN...

Whenever you need to cleanse your soul - here's a perfect song for that. I'm weeping and feeling very happy at the same time. What could be better?

I WANT YOU TO KNOW...

....that happiness, that grand mistress of the ceremonies in the dance of life, impels us through all its mazes and meandering, but leads none of us by the same route.

Charles Caleb Colton said that, and he was right. Therefore, since there is no One Way to find happiness, why not find it the way that appeals most to you? Why not follow your passion --- even if others tell you that you are crazy for trying it?

Is someone telling you that now? Don't listen. Don't listen to that! The voice of caution knows nothing of real joy. What joy is there is doing what there was no doubt you could do? Where's the excitement in that? Hey, try something that you could fail at. Now that's living.

/scott aka sheik yerbouti/

NOKIA

HEAST REKLAAMIST SAAB IGAÜKS ARU

JÄÄTIST?

EESTIMAA ILUSAIM NAINE

Ihhiii ;)) Ma olen edevaks ära läinud! Jahh! Ma ei tea, mis mul viga on, aga ma arvan, et Veenus on mingis märgis või aspektis... See selleks, tegelt on mul seda pilti vaja Yahoo jaoks ja sinna ei saa enam pilte otse panna, ainult url'idena. Novot. Aga sel pildil olen ma tööposti otsas täna kl 11 paiku hommikul. Olge tervitatud, maailma inimesed :P

HORATIO

RUN, BEFORE HE FINDS YOU!

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

REMEMBER

Remember today that you are alive. Sometimes we tend to forget. You have a purpose that is all your own. No one else is you. You have dreams and hopes and desires. Listen to your heart for a while.
Remember today all the blessings you have. There's beauty in every direction you look. Enjoy the abundance that is already yours. The world is a wonderful place and you're here.
Remember today that you get what you give. Your world is a mirror of your inner self. Love will be yours when you give it away.
Remember today that life is creation. As long as you live you can always contributeyour own special voice.
Remember today is a special time. Make the best of it while you can.

/scott aka sheik yerbouti/

WHAT IS POSSIBLE

The reality of your life is driven by your concept of what is possible. Whatever you are certain of, is certain to be for you.
You cannot change the laws of reality, and there is no reason to do so. For reality can accommodate whatever possibility you dare to imagine.
Know that it can be done, and there is most definitely a way. Commit the whole of your true self, and it will be.
Dream big, wonderful, meaningful dreams and purge them of every trace of doubt. Your own unique dreams are yours precisely because you are the person who can fulfill and experience them.
Pay no attention to those who claim that the best days have passed and the best opportunities have all been taken. Life's abundance has no limit, and grows to whatever proportion you choose to imagine.
Give your time, thoughts, efforts and commitment to express that abundance in your own special way. Know without a doubt that it is possible, and it is.

/scott aka sheik yerbouti/

LEGO

NOSTALGILINE (UUS ELU ON EES!)

Kui oled eestikeelne inimene, siis kliki see suuremaks. Kas pole tore, kui on mingi netikoht, mille nima sa oled isegi ära unustanud, (aga keegi tuletab sulle meelde) aga mis säilitab kopid sinu vanadest blogidest... How cool is that?!?!?!

Kuna Yahoo sulgeb oma 360 leheküljed (meie kõigi jahuulaste suureks meelehärmiks), peab kogu sealne seltskond aru - kuhu kolida. Mul tuli meelde, et mul oli justkui kuskil sarnases kohas account, aga kus. No õnneks teisedki olid seda kasutanud ja teadsid. Muide, minu idee kiituseks, et igas võimalikus kohas - olgu see EMT või Google'i bookmarks - kasuta üht ja sedasama ID'd ja password'i, tuleb kasuks. Mul ei ole eriti hirmu, et olen oma ID jms. ära unustanud. Sama käib pangakaartide PIN koodide jms. kohta. Jääge sellesama juurde, ka teie saate vanaks ja ei mäleta enam tuhkagi...

Teate, mida ma vihkan? Neid veerge. Aga tegelikult olengi meedia sööda alla neelanud ja mullegi on hakanud meeldima lühikesed lõigud, nagu ei tulek aju pikkadega enam toime. Tõenäoliselt ei tulegi.
Muide, ma vaatasin täna Jüri Lina kahte DVD'd - Valgusetoojad ja Hermese varjus ja ma pean ütlema, et viimane oli nii häiriv, et mõtlesin nutma hakata, aga ei hakanud. Aga pooleli jätsin siiski. Aga te peaksite siiski ka neid vaatama. Kui ma järgmine kord Jüri Linaga kohtun, siis tingimata küsin ta käest mõningaid küsimusi. Ta meeldib mulle, tundub hästi leebe inimene. Näis, mis ta mulle ütleb...

AGA - kõige tähtsam asi on - JÄÄGE POSITIIVSEKS! Ja mina kavatsen nii mõnegi kirjutise, kus mõte sees on, siia ümber kopida. Sealt Multiply'st. Tegelt on ju hea, kui areng näha on. mistahes lollusi me ka varem kirjutanud pole ja mistahes lollusi me nüüd ja praegu või kauges tulevkus ei kirjutaks - see on meie portreepilt sellest ajast. Kui kole iganes - miks peaks me seda häbenema?? Meie elu siin on lühike ja suht kaootiline. Who cares, really?? Uus elu on aga ees. Mitte tähendusrikkam, mitte tähendusvaesem ;)

BE YOU

Giving up is not the answer. Neither is giving in.
Stand your ground.
There is a way of doing that without having to be combative. There is a way of hanging on to your true self, and demonstrating it, without resorting to aggression. But giving up and giving in is not the way.
Simply and quietly claiming your right to be You is the way.
You know exactly why you received this message today.

/scott aka sheik yerbouti/

RICH AND POWERFUL

The strongest power has no need to show itself or to prove itself. It is quiet, calm, determined and unshakable.

Boastfulness is the surest sign of weakness and insecurity. True confidence has no need to speak of itself.

Authentic richness is endlessly generous. Anyone who has the need to appear rich suffers from a terribly painful poverty of the spirit.

How do you fill your life with richness and power? Honestly be yourself, and give freely of yourself.

Give up the fantasy of gaining benefit over others, for even if you could get it you would receive no real value from it. Instead, make it your business to promote, encourage, raise up, love and appreciate others at every opportunity.

Pretending to be rich and powerful is agonizing work that incessantly erodes your spirit. Being truly rich and powerful fulfills your deepest longings and brings you fully to life.

/scott aka sheik yerbouti/

NO COMMENTS

UUDISHIMULIKELE

OH OLEKS MUL OMA OTTER... ;))

TRUTH ABOUT SLAVERY

TŠIHAAAD!