Dagni and Egon moved in on Monday but it only seems like 2-3 days ago. Nothing's happening. We all feel a little uncomfortable, especially the men. Also Fred's cat and Egon's cat won't get along at all. Probably a territory issue, power play or just different natures, who knows. It's annoying.
I don't blog much anymore as all of you (who?? LOL) can see. It's because I like to write mostly about myself and myself is not really interesting to anyone. It's funny as I started this life being heavily opinionated, loving all sorts of communication, eagerly giving out every kind of information etc. but really - I don't have much to say anymore. Time drags, nothing happens, it's hard to find any fresh idea, any thought that I haven't had before. Also I'm tired of thinking, it honestly doesn't get you anywhere. I just happened to think about last November and was amazed - it's like nothing had happened within last year, nothing at all, I'm all the same having the same problems, limits, fears, hopes.... Where's evolution gone?
Oh. Just a few days back I actually discovered something about myself LOL, kinda new. I must be a materialist. Funny thing. That's the last thing I would have assumed about myself. I'm not fond of materialists at all, and that's put it in a nice way, and now I just can't help but face it - I've become one too.
Bad thing is I seem to still fighting (life?) but without any faith in winning. How stupid is that? To believe in loss and keep fighting is like to burn yourself at the both ends... I don't know why I am like this. Didn't my parents have any spare optimism-gene to put in me?
I've read about so-called Creative Visualization lately. The more I read about it the sicker I get. It's not that I wouldn't believe it working. It's just another great example of how people try to figure out something - anything that would make life a little more bearable. All religions, all teachings are like that. The only one that has some reason to it is that one should eat right and get enough physical. Told ya - a materialist ;))
The book says many people would meet a question about deserving all that good stuff while starting Creative Visualization. It says we should work on it. For me it says like - you should keep trying to fool yourself, if you keep hard enough you might one day get there - be a fool. Do I want to be a happy fool? COULD I be a happy fool? Yes, I'd want to be, no, I don't think I can. Of course I can't say it for sure thinking of the coming senility. Who knows what I will be if I live long enough...
I do believe that we deserve everything we are or have at the moment. And I don't mean that we deserve all those shocks and smashes coming from outside, it's something we can't help. But the way we react is up to us, isn't it. I know it's nice to try and blame one's karma, the results of our previous life's actions, the gods' odd will etc. but I can't comfort myself with this shit either. I believe I'm just a poor cocktail made of my parents' poor genes, grandparents' poor genes and so on and on. It just happens so.
Hey! One positive change is that I don't think of my new apartment as a creepy, claustrophobic place anymore. I've calmed down a bit and see it just as it is - another place to live in. It's not home but neither was the one where I'm still living in at the moment. Home can only be a place where a man and a woman have created a home. I don't know why it has to be like that but it feels right to me. It may be your childhood home or you can keep feeling as home at a place where you used to live with someone from opposite sex with. But one person can't create a home, that's for sure.
Well. I don't know how to end this and I have no time to figure it out either. Wish me luck. In anything. Maybe I need to find a home.
1 comment:
Comments(4 total) Post a Commentjim b Offline hey sweet heart when you njeed to talk about youself there is nothing wrong with that . I am always interested in what you have to say . wether it is about you or what ever you want to say or the subject. Kristin you have a special way of stating things that I for one really enjoy reading.When we are on line together it is so refreshing to see some one speak the way you do . I love you imp.4\4\12\
Monday November 17, 2008 - 04:12pm (EST) Remove Comment
SPANKY Offline I sort of know how you feel about blogging lately. Even though I always have a lot on my mind, and a lot of things I would like to tell people when it just gets down to it. I don't have enough time or I'm just too damn lazy to take the time to sit down and write a blog. I don't know why, but blogging sort of lost it's fun and became work. Does this sound weird to you? I used to love blogging! Only less than a year ago. Now, sometimes it seems like such a chore. Maybe I'm just going through a phase. Maybe you are too?
Since we have had such a fantastic fall season this year I have been trying to do things outside. This leaves me very little time if any to play on the computer or to blog. I do feel sad that I have not visited the many friends that I care about including you. But at the same time, I am happy because I am not sitting inside all locked up. I have been going for walks, bike rides, doing a little yard work, and even visiting a few old friends. I also have been spending a lot of time with my family. It least, this makes me feel good. When you're with actual people you don't feel as lonely as when you are either alone or alone sitting at your computer talking to other people. Do you understand what I mean?
Oh, by the way I was thinking of mailing you a small Christmas present this year. Unfortunately, you said you just recently moved. If possible, could you please send me an e-mail with your new address so I might be able to send you a Christmas card and a small present. Thank you so much!
I encourage you to write about anything that you feel strongly about. When I have time, you know, I usually come by and try to give you my opinion. It may not always be what you want to hear, but at least I am honest with you. I really miss our old conversations like we used to have last year. I would really look forward to your response every time I left you a message. Maybe we could do this again real soon. Conversing with you is definitely one of the highlights of my 360 time.
I always believed that a home is what you make of it. It doesn't matter where you live or what it looks like. Your home is a representation of the love that you feel for everybody you know, that comes to visit you. Sometimes all you need to do is hang up an old family photo on the wall to make the place you live, home sweet home. I truly hope that you do find happiness in your new home. If not, I pray that you find a suitable place that will meet all your desires. I admit I'm not perfectly happy with my home now either, but it's a lot better off than some people I know.
I was wondering, do you still have the Tigers I sent you last year? Give them a hug and think of me okay..
Thursday November 20, 2008 - 01:28pm (EST) Remove Comment
KRISTIN Offline Thanks for the long comment Spanky! I have to leave in 10 minutes so I can't really write any proper reply but I'm glad that you haven't forgotten me :)
Your Tigers are fine. I'll tell them you said Hi ;))
I'll send you my new address as soon as I will really be living there. At the moment I'm waiting for the old owners to move out.
Sunday November 23, 2008 - 10:14am (EET) Remove Comment
SPANKY Offline You definitely need to write a blog about the home you are about to move into. I would love to know all about it.
Saturday November 29, 2008 - 02:06pm (EST) Remove Comment
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